The SECRET Life of every Pastor

I was spending a few minutes this morning (okay a couple of hours) finalizing my message for tomorrow night at church. It is one of the most difficult messages I will give...but for some of the strangest reasons.
I have been teaching through 1 Timothy verse by verse since Noah crashed the boat. (Ok...maybe not that long, but for a long time). I am up to 1 Timothy 5:17-22. The thrust of the passage deals with how a church is to treat its elders (pastors). Of course the first couple of verses deal with financial considerations and then disciplining a pastor and the process of Ordination. The overarching theme relates to the office and is removed from consideration of individuals per se. However, in my flesh, it is difficult to preach on this because I "feel" like it may be received as a self-serving message.
This is not the first time I have had to speak on subjects that were uncomfortable. As a pastor, I do that quite often (mostly because God convicts me of my own shortcomings while I am preparing the message).
Another reason it is difficult to preach messages like this is because most of the people who will hear the message don't really "know me." They know who I am...but the me they think they know is the public presence of a man who proclaims God's truth with conviction. Sometimes, the conviction that I preach with is understood as my own self-confidence or self-assuredness. Truthfully, the "conviction" is a conviction of the truth, value, and profitability of God's Word...not anything about myself.
In other words, the "public" me might seem like he has it all together. He might seem like he has worked out all of the "kinks" in his life. The truth is though...he is only one step ahead of the rest (if that) and only because he got an advanced copy of the message!
Pastors have tackled this problem in the past. Some work really hard at trying to be "transparent." When done well and in an environment of trust, this is good. It helps everyone understand that nobody has it all together. Sometimes though...it is a liability. Some people listen to the preacher's transparent-ness (is that a word?) and they think, "Why listen to him...He isn't any better off than me."
The fact is, I will stand up tomorrow and share two messages that are difficult for me to share. I won't do it because I have mastered every nuance of the truth contained in them, or of the Christian life as a whole. I will do it because they are true and I am confident that God's Word will change lives when I present it clearly. So, if you will be listening to the messages...pray for me to be confident in God. Pray for yourself and others to see past the personality of the pastor, beyond the delivery styles and form, and recognize the Truth for what it is. Endeavor to train yourself that the real man, is not necessarily the public persona that he might project. In fact, he (the pastor) is probably wrestling with the same areas of life you are...not because he is a horrible, sinful man...but because we are all on a journey together. None have arrived, and prayerfully none are sitting still...but all are progressing toward the "upward call of Christ Jesus" in our lives.
Grace and Peace,